Russian jokes

Stierlitz

Stierlitz is a fictional Soviet intelligence officer, portrayed by Vyacheslav Tikhonov in the Soviet TV series Seventeen Moments of Spring. In the jokes, Stierlitz interacts with various characters, most prominently his nemesis Müller portrayed by Leonid Bronevoy. Usually two-liners spoofing the solemn style of the original TV voice-overs, the plot is resolved in grotesque plays on words or in parodies of the trains of thought and narrow escapes of the "original" Stierlitz.

• Stierlitz opens a door, and the lights go on. Stierlitz closes the door, and the lights go out. Stierlitz opens the door again; the light goes back on. Stierlitz closes the door; the light goes out again. Stierlitz deduces, "It's a refrigerator".
• Stierlitz approaches Berlin, which is veiled in smoke from widespread fires: "Must have forgotten to turn off my iron," Stierlitz thought with slight irritation.
• Stierlitz wakes up in a prison cell. "Which identity should I use?" he wonders. "Let's see. If a person in black uniform walks in, I must be in Germany so I'll say I'm Standartenführer Stierlitz. If they wear green uniform, I'm in the USSR so I'll admit I'm Colonel Isayev". The door opens and a person in a grey uniform comes in saying, "You really should ease up on vodka, Comrade Tikhonov!" (Grey uniform was the standard police officer's uniform in Soviet Union since early 1970s.)

Poruchik Rzhevsky

Poruchik Dmitry Rzhevsky of the jokes is a cavalry (Hussar) officer, a straightforward, unsophisticated, and innocently rude military type whose rank and standing nevertheless gain him entrance into high society. In the jokes, he is often seen interacting with the character Natasha Rostova from the novel War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, who would act as his opposite, showing the comedic contrast between Rzhevsky and Rostova's behavior. The name is borrowed from a character in a musical comedy, Hussar Ballad (1962), having little in common with the folklore hero. The 1967 film rendering of War and Peace contributed to the proliferation of the Rzhevsky jokes. Some researchers point out that many jokes of this kind are versions of 19th-century Russian army jokes, retold as a new series of jokes about Rzhevsky.

Rzhevsky is often depicted as having a casual, nonchalant attitude to love and sex:

• Poruchik Rzhevsky is putting his riding boots on and is about to take leave of a charming demoiselle he had met the previous evening: "Mon cher Poruchik", she intones teasingly, "aren't you forgetting about the money?" Rzhevsky turns to her and says proudly: "Hussars never take money!" (The latter expression Gusary deneg ne berut! has become a Russian catchphrase.)

Rzhevsky is also seen giving advice to other Russian gentlemen:

• Knyaz Andrei Bolkonski asks Poruchik Rzhevsky: "Tell me, Poruchik, how did you come to be so good with the ladies? What is your secret?" / "It's quite simplement, mon Prince, quite simplement. I just come over and say: 'Madame, would you like to fuck?'" / "But Poruchik, you'll get slapped in the face for that!" / "Oui, most of them slap, but some of them fuck."

A series of jokes is based on a paradox of vulgarity within a high society setting:

• Natasha Rostova attends her first formal ball and dances with Pierre Bezukhov: "Pierre, isn't that grease on your collar?" / "Oh my, how could I miss such a terrible flaw in my costume, I'm totally destroyed!" [he retreats in shame] / Then, she dances with Kniaz Bolkonsky: "Andrew, isn't there a spot of sauce on your tunic?" [he faints] / Finally, she's dancing with Rzhevsky: "Poruchik, your boots are all covered in mud!" / "It's not mud, it's shit. Don't worry, mademoiselle, it'll fall off once it dries up."
• Poruchik Rzhevsky is dancing at a ball with a lady. He asks to be excused "to go out to check on the horse". When he returns his pants are all wet. "Poruchik, is it rainy outside?" Asks the lady. "No, m'd'mselle", Rzhevsky responds, "it's windy outside."

While successful narration of quite a few Russian jokes heavily depends on using sexual vulgarities ("Russian mat"), Rzhevsky, with all his vulgarity, does not use heavy mat in traditional versions of his tales. One of his favorite words is "arse" (which is considered rather mild among Russian vulgarities), and there is a series of jokes where Rzhevsky answers "arse" to some innocent question (it is typical of Rzhevsky to blurt unromantic comments in the most romantic situations):

• Poruchik Rzhevsky and Natasha Rostova are riding horses together on the countryside. "Poruchik, what a beautiful meadow! Guess what I see there?" / "Arse, mademoiselle?" / "Ouch, Poruchik! I see chamomiles!" (Chamomiles are Russian cliché folk flowers) / "How romantic, mademoiselle! An arse amid chamomiles!..."

The essence of Rzhevsky's peculiarity is captured in the following meta-joke:

• Rzhevsky narrates his latest adventure to his Hussar comrades. "...So I am riding through this dark wood and suddenly see a wide, white..." / Hussars, all together: "...arse!" / "Of course not! A glade full of chamomiles! And right in the middle there is a beautiful white..." / Hussars, encore: "...arse!" / "How vulgar of you! A mansion! So I open the door and guess what I see?" / Hussars, encore: "An arse!" / Poruchik, genuinely surprised: "How did you guess? Did I tell this story before?"

This theme culminates in the following joke, sometimes called "the ultimate Hussar joke":

• Countess Maria Bolkonskaya celebrates her 50th anniversary, the whole local Hussar regiment is invited, and the Countess boasts about the gifts she has received: "Cornet Obolensky presented me a lovely set of 50 Chinese fragrant candles. I loved them so much that I immediately stuck them into the seven 7-branch candlesticks you see on the table. Such auspicious numbers! Unfortunately there is a single candle left, and I don't know where to stick it..." / The whole Hussar regiment takes a deep breath... but the Hussar colonel barks out: "Hussars!!! Silence!!!" (Гусары, молчать! has become a catchphrase too.)

Rabinovich

Rabinovich is a typical Russian Jewish surname of a protagonist of Jewish jokes in Soviet Union.

• Rabinovich fills out a job application form. The official is skeptical: "You stated that you don't have any relatives abroad, but you do have a brother in Israel." / "Yes, but he isn't abroad, I am abroad!"
• Seeing a pompous and lavish burial of a member of the Politburo, Rabinovich sadly shakes his head: "What a waste! With this kind of money, I could have buried the entire Politburo!"
• Rabinovich calls Pamyat headquarters, speaking with a characteristic accent: "Tell me, is it true that Jews sold out Russia?" / "Yes, of course it's true, you Kike-schnabel!" / "Oh good! Could you please tell me where I should go to get my share?"
• The census taker comes to the Rabinovich house: "Does Abram Rabinovich live here?" / "No" / "Well, then, comrade, what is your name?" / "Abram Rabinovich." / "Wait a minute-didn't you just tell me that Rabinovich doesn't live here?" / "Aha," "You call this living?"

The following example explains Vladimir Putin's remark about "Comrade Wolf", describing the policies of the United States, that many non-Russians found cryptic. In a reference to the US-led invasion of Iraq Putin said: "As they say, 'comrade wolf knows whom to eat.' He eats without listening and he is clearly not going to listen to anyone."

• Rabinovich is walking through the forest with a sheep, when both of them stumble into a pit. A few minutes later, a wolf also falls into the pit. The sheep gets nervous and starts bleating. Rabinovich says, "What's with all the baaahh, baaahh? Comrade Wolf knows whom to eat."

Vovochka

Vovochka is the Russian equivalent of "Little Johnny". He interacts with his school teacher, Maria Ivanovna (shortened to "Marivanna", a stereotypical female teacher's name). "Vovochka" is a diminutive form of "Vova", which in turn is a shortened version of "Vladimir", creating the "little boy" effect. His fellow students bear similarly diminutive names. This "little boy" name is used in contrast with Vovochka's wisecracking, adult, often obscene statements.

• In biology class, the teacher draws a cucumber on the blackboard: "Children, could someone tell me what is this?" / Vovochka raises his hand: "It's a dick, Marivanna!" The teacher bursts into tears and runs out. / Shortly, the principal rushes in: "All right, what did you do now? Which one of you brought Maria Ivanovna to tears? And who the hell drew that dick on the blackboard?"
• The teacher asks the class to produce a word that starts with the letter "A": Vovochka happily raises his hand and says "Arse!" ("Жопа" in the original) / The teacher, shocked, responds "For shame! There's no such word!" / "That's strange," says Vovochka thoughtfully, "the arse exists, but the word doesn't!" (The last phrase is attributed to Ivan Baudouin de Courtenay, linguist and lexicographer.^{[citation needed]})
• After March 26, all jokes about Vovochka are considered political. (In reference to elections of Vladimir Putin as President of Russia).

Vasily Ivanovich

Vasily Ivanovich Chapayev, a Red Army hero of the Russian Civil War, in the rank of Division Commander, was featured in a 1934 biopic. The most common topics are the war with the monarchist White Army, Chapayev's futile attempts to enroll into the Frunze Military Academy, and the circumstances of Chapayev's death (officially, he was gunned down by the Whites and drowned while attempting to flee across the Ural River after a lost battle).

Chapayev is usually accompanied by his aide-de-camp Petka (Петька, "Pete"), as well as Anka the Machine-Gunner (Анка-пулемётчица), and political commissar Furmanov, all based on real people. (Being well known in Russian popular culture, Chapayev, Petka, and Anka were featured in a series of Russian adventure games released in the late 1990s and 2000s.)

• "I flunked my history exam, Petka. They asked me who Caesar was, and I said he's a stallion from our 7th cavalry squadron." / "It's all my fault, Vasily Ivanovich! While you were away, I reassigned him to the 6th!"
• Chapayev, Petka, and Anka, in hiding from the Whites, are crawling plastoon-style across a field: Anka first, then Petka, and Chapayev is last. / Petka says to Anka, "Anka, you lied about your proletarian descent! Your mother must have been a ballerina – your legs are so fine!" / Chapayev responds, "And your father, Petka, must have been a plowman – the furrow you're leaving behind you is so deep!"
• On the occasion of an anniversary of the October Revolution, Furmanov gives a political lecture to the rank and file soldiers: "...And now we are on our glorious way to the shining horizons of Communism!" / "How did it go?", Chapayev asks Petka afterwards. "Exciting!... but unclear. What the hell is a horizon?" / "See Petka, it is a line you may see far away in the steppe when the weather is good. And it's a tricky one – no matter how long you ride towards it, you'll never reach it. You'll only wear down your horse."
• See also under Fantômas below.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson

A number of jokes involve characters from the short stories by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle about the private detective Sherlock Holmes and his friend Doctor Watson. The jokes appeared and became popular soon after The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson film series was broadcast on Soviet TV in the late 1970s to mid-1980s, starring Vasily Livanov as Sherlock Holmes and Vitaly Solomin as Watson. Lines from these films are usually included in the jokes («Элементарно, Ватсон!» – "Elementary, my dear Watson!"). The narrator of the joke usually tries to mimic Livanov's husky voice. The standard plot of these jokes is a short dialog where Watson naïvely wonders about something, and Holmes finds a "logical" explanation to the phenomenon in question. Occasionally the jokes also include other characters – Mrs Hudson, the landlady of Holmes's residence on Baker Street; or Sir Henry and his butler Barrymore from The Hound of the Baskervilles; or the detective's nemesis Professor Moriarty.

• Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up and says: "Watson, look up, and tell me what you see." / "I see millions and millions of stars." / "And what do you deduce from that?" / "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." / "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent!"

Fantômas

Some older jokes involve Fantômas, a fictional criminal and master of disguise from the French detective series, a character once widely popular in the USSR. His arch-enemy is Inspector Juve, charged with catching him. Fantômas' talent for disguise is usually the focus of the joke, allowing for jokes featuring all sorts of other characters:

• From the days when Prime Minister Golda Meir led Israel: Fantômas sneaks into Mao Zedong's private chamber as the latter is on his deathbed, and respectfully removes his mask. / Mao muses: "Well, Comrade Petka, fate sure does have a way of scattering friends all over the world, doesn't it?" / "Ah, if you only knew, Vasily Ivanovich, what our Anka has been up to in Israel!"

Bogatyrs

Bogatyrs are heroes of Russian folk tales: impossibly strong and brave warriors, but often portrayed in jokes as arrogant, cunning and cruel. The three bogatyrs are usually Ilya Muromets, Alyosha Popovich, Dobrynya Nikitich or a combination thereof; the jokes often include other folk characters (such as Baba Yaga, Koschei or Gorynych) and enemies of Rus (most often the Golden Horde), usually defeated by the end of the joke. As with most other jokes, most of these are not meant for children despite folk characters associated with kids' fairy tales.

• Three bogatyrs clash with the Three Musketeers over a petty dispute; of course, d'Artagnan challenges Ilya to a duel. Aramis, as d'Artagnan's second, marks Ilya's heart with a chalk: "It is here that my friend chevalier d'Artagnan will have the honour to pierce you with his épée!". Ilya looks at his mace, then at d'Artagnan, then says to Alyosha Popovich: "Alyosha, be kind, dust this chevalier with chalk from head to toe."
• The steppe army approaches the border of Rus' and sees the outpost hut. The military leader shouts: "Russians, come out!" A sleepy Dobrynya Nikitich comes out of the hut: "What do you need?" — "We have come to conquer you!" — "And how many are you?" — "We are thousands of thousands!" Dobrynya, bewildered: "Good grief, who is going to bury such a crowd?!"

Armenian Radio

A large number of Russian jokes begin with the words "The Armenian Radio was asked a question..." The answer from the Armenian Radio always turns out to be unexpected and discouraging.

Golden Fish

Aside from mammals, a rather common non-human is the "Golden Fish", who asks the catcher to release her in exchange for three wishes. The first Russian instance of this appeared in Alexander Pushkin's The Tale of the Fisherman and the Fish. In jokes, the Fisherman may be replaced by a representative of a nationality or ethnicity, and the third wish usually makes the punch line of the joke.

• An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are alone on an uninhabited island. They catch fish for food and suddenly catch a Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill two wishes for each in trade for her own freedom:
  The American: "A million dollars and to go back home!"
  The Frenchman: "Three beautiful women and to go back home!"
  The Russian: "Tsk, and we were getting along so well. Three crates of vodka and the two fellas back!"
  • Side Note: This joke is a play on the fact that in Russia it is believed that three is the optimal number of people for drinking. This in turn goes back to when in the Soviet Union a bottle of vodka cost 2.87 roubles, 3 roubles being a convenient price for three men to buy a bottle and have 13 kopecks left for a snack. The classic for the latter was a rectangular pack of soft processed cheese "Druzhba" (Friendship), with that exact price. Therefore, a natural company is 3, each contributing 1 rouble. This procedure was dubbed "to have arranged for three (persons)" (Russian: сообразить на троих; soobrazit' na troikh, literal translation: "to have figured out for three"). Much of Soviet folklore is based on this interpretation of the "magic of the number 3".

A similar type of joke involves a wish-granting Genie, the main difference being that in the case of the Golden Fish the Fisherman suffers from his own stupidity or greed, while the Genie is known for ingeniously twisting an interpretation of the wish to frustrate the grantee.

• A man finds an old bottle, picks it up and opens it. The Genie comes out of the bottle and says: "Thanks so much for letting me out! I feel I should do something for you, too. Would you like to become a Hero of the Soviet Union?" (Hero of the Soviet Union was the highest Soviet award). The guy says: "Yes, sure!" Next thing he knows, he finds himself on a battlefield with four grenades, alone against six German panzers.

Chukchi

Chukchi (singular Chukcha), the native people of Chukotka, the most remote northeast corner of Russia, are a common minority targeted for generic ethnic jokes in Russia. They are depicted as primitive, uncivilized, and simple-minded, but clever in their own way. A propensity for saying odnako (Russian for "however", depending on context) is a staple of Chukcha jokes. The straight man part of Chukcha jokes is often a Russian geologist.

• "Chukcha, why did you buy a fridge, if it's so cold on the tundra?" "Why, is −50° Celsius outside yaranga, is −10° inside, is −5° in fridge – warm place, odnako!"
• A Chukcha comes into a shop and asks: "Do you have color TVs?" "Yes, we do." "Give me a green one."
• A Chukcha applies for membership in the Union of Soviet Writers. He is asked what literature he is familiar with. "Have you read Pushkin?" "No." "Have you read Dostoevsky?" "No." "Can you read at all?" The Chukcha, offended, replies, "Chukcha not reader, Chukcha writer!" (The last phrase has become a cliché in Russian culture, hinting at happy or militant ignorance.)

Chukchi do not miss their chance to offer a retort.

• A Chukcha and a Russian geologist go hunting polar bears. They eventually track one down. Seeing the bear, the Chukcha shouts, "Run!" and flees. The Russian shrugs, calmly raises his gun, and shoots the bear. "Russian hunter, bad hunter!", the Chukcha exclaims. "Ten kilometres to the yaranga, you haul this bear yourself!"

Chukchi, due to their innocence, often see the inner truth of situations.

• A Chukcha returning home from Moscow is met with great excitement and interest from his friends. "What is socialism like?" "Oh," begins the Chukcha in awe, "There, everything is for the betterment of man... I even saw that man himself!" (This references the Communist slogan Всё для блага человека!, "Everything for the betterment of man." The "man himself" is usually interpreted as either Lenin in the Mausoleum or whoever was the general secretary at the time, depending on when and where the joke was told.)

Ukrainians

Ukrainians are depicted as rustic, stingy, and inordinately fond of salted salo (pork back fat); their accent, which is imitated, is perceived as funny.

• A Ukrainian tourist is questioned at international customs: "Are you carrying any weapons or drugs?" "What are drugs?" "They make you get high." "Yes, salo." "But salo is not a drug." "When I eat salo, I get high!"
• A Ukrainian is asked, "Can you eat a kilo of apples?" "Yes, I can." "Can you eat two kilos of apples?" "I can." "And five kilos?" "I can." "Can you eat 100 kilos?!" "What I cannot eat, I will nibble!"

Ukrainians are perceived as having a grudge against Russians (derided as Moskali by Ukrainians).

• The Soviet Union has launched the first man into space. A Hutsul shepherd, standing on top of a hill, shouts over to another shepherd on another hill to tell him the news. "Mykola!" "Yes!" "The moskali have flown to space!" "All of them?" "No, just one." "So why are you bothering me, then?"

Georgians

Georgians are usually depicted as stupid, greedy, hot-blooded, or addicted to sex and sometimes all four. A very loud and theatrical Georgian accent, including grammatical errors considered typical of Georgians, and occasional Georgian words are considered funny to imitate in Russian and often becomes a joke in itself.

In some jokes, Georgians are portrayed as rich, because in Soviet times they were also perceived as profiting from black market businesses. There is a humorous expression deriving from the custom in police reports of referring to them as "persons of Caucasian ethnicity" (Russian: лицо кавказской национальности). Since the Russian word for "person" in the formal sense, (Russian: лицо), is the same as the word for "face", this allows a play on words about "faces of Caucasian ethnicity". In Russia itself, most people see "persons of Caucasian ethnicity" mostly at marketplaces selling fruits and flowers. Later on, many old jokes about rich Georgians were being recast in terms of "New Russians".

• A plane takes off from the Tbilisi airport. A passenger storms the pilot's cabin, waving an AK-47 rifle and demanding that the flight be diverted to Israel. The pilot shrugs in agreement, but suddenly the hijacker's head falls off his shoulders, and a Georgian pops from behind with a blood-drenched dagger, and a huge suitcase: "Lisss'n here genatsvale: No any Israel-Misrael. Fly Moscow nonstop – my roses are wilting!"
• In a zoo, two girls are discussing a gorilla with a huge penis."That's what a real man must have!" A Georgian passer-by remarks, sardonically, "You are badly mistaken, it's not a man, it is a male. This is what a real man must have!" He produces a thick wallet.

Estonians and Finns

Estonians and Finns are depicted as humorless, stubborn, taciturn, and slow. The Estonian accent, especially its sing-song tune and the lack of genders in grammar, forms part of the humor. The Estonian common usage of long vowels and consonants both in speech and orthography (e.g. words such as Tallinn, Saaremaa) also led to the stereotype of being slow in speech, thinking, and action. In the everyday life, a person may be derisively called a "hot-headed Estonian fellow" (or in similar spirit, a "hot-tempered Finnish bloke", a phrase popularized by the 1995 Russian comedy Peculiarities of the National Hunt) to emphasize tardiness or lack of temperament. Indeed, Estonians play a similar role in Soviet humor to that of Finns in Scandinavian jokes.

Finnish political scientist Ilmari Susiluoto, also an author of three books on Russian humor, writes that Finns and Russians understand each other's humor. "Being included in a Russian anecdote is a privilege that Danes or Dutchmen have not attained. These nations are too boring and unvaried to rise into the consciousness of a large country. But the funny and slightly silly, stubborn Finns, the Chukhnas do."

• An Estonian stands by a railway track. Another Estonian passes by on a handcar, pushing the pump up and down. The first one asks, "Iis iitt a llonngg wwayy ttoo Ttallinn?" "Nnoot ttoo llonngg." He gets on the car and joins pushing the pump up and down. After two hours of silent pumping the first Estonian asks again: "Iis iitt a llonngg wwayy ttoo Ttallinn?""Nnnoooowww iiitt iiiis llonngg wwayy."
• "I told some Estonian blokes that they're slow." "What did they reply?" "Nothing, but they beat me up the following day."
• A Finnish family – the parents and two brothers – take car into countryside. An animal crosses the road in front of the car and runs away into the forest. An hour later one brother says, "It is a fox!" Two hours later, the second brother says: "No, it is a wolf!" Three hours later, the father replies: "Well, why don't you have a fight, you hot-headed Finnish guys!"
• Two Finns are sitting near a road. Suddenly, a car passes in a blur. Half an hour later, one Finn asks: "Whaaat waaaaas thaaaat?" Half an hour after that, the other replies: "Thaaaat waaaas Miiiiiiiikaaaa Häaaaaakkiiiiiiineeeeeen, the shaaaame of the Fiiiiinniiish naaaaation"

Finns share with Chukchi their ability to withstand cold.

• At −10 °C, the heat is switched on in British homes, while Finns change into a long-sleeved shirt. At −20°, Austrians fly to Málaga, while Finns celebrate midsummer. At −200°, hell freezes over and Finland wins the Eurovision Song Contest. (This joke predates the event, previously deemed impossible, of Finland winning the contest, which happened in 2006.) At −273°, absolute zero temperature is reached, and all atomic movement ceases. The Finns shrug and say: "Perkele, a bit chilly today, isn't it?".

Jews

Jewish humor is a highly developed subset of Russian humor, largely based on the self-image of Russian Jews. The Jewish self-deprecating anecdotes are not the same as anti-Semitic jokes. Instead, whether told by Jews or non-Jewish Russians, these jokes show cynicism, self-irony, and wit that is characteristic of Jewish humor both in Russia and elsewhere in the world (see Jewish humor). The jokes are usually told with a characteristic Jewish accent (stretching out syllables, parodying the uvular trill of "R", etc.) and some peculiarities of sentence structure calqued into Russian from Yiddish. Many of these jokes are set in Odesa, and to some extent the phrase "Odesa humor" is synonymous with "Jewish jokes," even if the characters don't have Jewish names and even their religion/ethnicity is never mentioned.

• Abram cannot sleep, tossing and turning from side to side... Finally his wife Sarah inquires: "Abram, what's bothering you?" "I owe Moishe 20 roubles, but I have no money. What shall I do?" Sarah bangs on the flimsy wall and shouts to the neighbors: "Moishe! My Abram still owes you 20 roubles? Well he isn't giving them back!" Turning to her husband, she says reassuringly: "Now go to sleep and let Moishe stay awake!"
• An Odesa Jew meets another one. "Have you heard, Einstein has won the Nobel Prize?" "Oy, what for?" "He developed this relativity theory." "Yeah, what's that?" "Well, you know, five hairs on your head is relatively few. Five hairs in your soup is relatively many." "And for that he gets the Nobel Prize?!"
• A Red Guardsman pounds on Abram's door. / He answers through the door: "Yes?" / "Abram, we've come for everything precious." Abram thinks for a moment, and calls out, "Rosa, my precious, someone's here for you!"

During the 1967 Arab–Israeli War sympathies of the ordinary Soviet people were on the side of Israel despite Egypt under Nasser being officially a Soviet ally, "on the Socialist path of development".

• A quiet time at the Egypt-Israel frontline. A Jew shouts, "Hey, Abdullah!" A head pops up. "What do you want?" — and catches a bullet. Now an Egyptian shouts, "Hey, Abraham!" — "Who asked Abraham?" A head pops up. "It's me, Abdullah!" — and catches a bullet.

The above joke is in part based on the common stereotype about Jews that they answer a question with a question.

Chinese

Common jokes center on the enormous size of the Chinese population, the Chinese language and the perceptions of the Chinese as cunning, industrious, and hard-working. Other jokes revolve around the belief that the Chinese are capable of amazing feats by primitive means, such as the Great Leap Forward.

• "During the Damansky Island incident the Chinese military developed three main strategies: The Great Offensive, The Small Retreat, and Infiltration by Small Groups of One to Two Million Across the Border".
• In another joke of that time: "How will the war between the USSR and China end? With the unconditional surrender of the USSR after it has taken 400 million Chinese as prisoners of war".
• When a child is born in a wealthy Chinese family, there is an ancient tradition: a silver spoon is dropped onto the jade floor. The sound the spoon makes will be the name of the newborn. (see Chinese names)
• The initial report on the first Chinese human spaceflight: "All systems operational, boiler-men on duty!"

A good many of the jokes are puns based on the fact that a widespread Chinese syllable (written as hui in pinyin) looks very similar to the obscene Russian word for penis. For this reason, since about 1956 the Russian-Chinese dictionaries render the Russian transcription of this syllable as "хуэй" (huey) (which actually is closer to the correct Standard Chinese pronunciation). The most embarrassing case for the Chinese-Soviet friendship probably is the word "socialism" (社会主义; pinyin: shè huì zhǔ yì), rendered previously as шэ-хуй-чжу-и. The following humorous possibilities for the misunderstanding of the Chinese syllable hui are derived from Aarons's (2012) text:

• A new Chinese ambassador is to meet Gromyko. When the latter enters, the Chinese presents himself: "Zhui Hui!" Gromyko, unperturbed, retorts "Zhui sam!" The surprised Chinese asks: "And where is Gromyko?" (The pun is that zhui hui (a mock Chinese name) means "chew a dick" in Russian and zhui sam means "chew [it] yourself").
• Сунь Хуй в Чай Вынь Пей Сам, Sun' Huy v Chay Vyn' Pey Sam, (literally meaning "Dip [your] penis into tea, withdraw [and] drink [it], yourself") is a made-up "Chinese name" that is analogous to the English "Who Flung Dung". A suitable English interpretation sounds like "Dip Dick Tea, Back, You Drink". There is another variation of this joke about two Chinese persons: Сунь Хуй в Чай (Sun' Huy v Chay) and Вынь Су Хим (Vyn' Su Him), which can be translated as "Dip [your] penis into tea", and "Take [it] out dry", where a word "сухим" (suhim, meaning "dry") is divided into two syllables "су" (su) and "хим" (him).
• A subset of name-based jokes use the reverse, implying direct Soviet participation in Korean war. Usually "Chinese" pilot Lee See Tsyng is mentioned, being an easily recognizable Russian family name Лисицын (Lisitsyn, from Лисица – "vixen" in Russian). Some versions also include pilots Ku Ree Tsyng, See Nee Tsyng, and Tu Pee Tsyng. These are respectively Курицын, from курица ("hen"), Синицын (синица, "titmouse"), and Тупицын (тупица, "dumb one").

Russians

Russians are a stereotype in Russian jokes themselves when set next to other stereotyped ethnicities. Thus, the Russian appearing in a triple joke with two Westerners, German, French, American or Englishman, will provide for a self-ironic punchline depicting himself as simple-minded and negligently careless but physically robust, which often ensures that he retains the upper hand over his less naive Western counterparts. Another common plot is a Russian participating in a contest with technologically-superior opponents (usually, an American and a German or a Japanese) and winning with sheer brute force or a clever trick.

• A Frenchman, a German, and a Russian go on a safari and are captured by cannibals. They are brought to the chief, who says, "We are going to eat you right now. But I am a civilized man, I studied human rights at the Patrice Lumumba University in Moscow, so I'll grant each of you a last request." The German asks for a mug of beer and a bratwurst. He gets it, and then the cannibals eat him. The Frenchman asks for three girls. He has crazy sex with them, and then suffers the fate of the German. The Russian demands: "Hit me hard, right on my nose!" The chief is surprised, but hits him. The Russian pulls out a Kalashnikov and shoots all the cannibals. The mortally wounded chief asks him: "Why didn't you do this before we ate the German?" The Russian proudly replies: "Russians are not aggressors!" (This joke has also been used as a Jewish joke; more specifically, as an Israeli joke, alluding to Israel's being constantly afraid of being seen as the "aggressor".)
• A Chukcha sits on the shore of the Bering Strait. An American submarine surfaces. The American captain opens the hatch and asks: "Which way is Alaska?" The Chukcha points his finger: "That way!" / "Thanks!" says the American, shouts "South-South-East, bearing 159.5 degrees!" down the hatch and the submarine submerges. Ten minutes later, a Soviet submarine emerges. The Russian captain opens the hatch and asks the Chukcha: "Where did the American submarine go?" The Chukcha replies: "South-South-East bearing 159.5 degrees!" "Don't be a smart-ass", says the captain, "just point your finger!"
• A Frenchman, a Japanese, and a Russian are captured by an alien. He locks them in cells and demands that they amaze him using three steel balls – the winner will be released, the others will be executed. A week later, the Frenchman demonstrates a juggling trick with the balls. The Japanese has created a rock garden. However the Russian is declared winner: he broke one ball, and lost another two.